The baby's {and mother's!} adjustment from womb to world.


Paxton is 7 weeks old.

Though the third baby was way less of an adjustment than the first and second were, still, the fourth trimester. It's a real thing. We're adjusting. Adjusted.

{Also, I hate the breast pump. It hates me just as much. We hate each other, and yet rely on each other. And that's all I have to say about that.}

Justin and I got out for the first time since Paxton's birth, we went to my friend Kellee's birthday party. It was 1950s attire, and it was awesome. See more awesomeness here.
As a new mom, you feel excitement at the idea of going out...then you get out and you feel nothing but anxiety about being away from your new baby and you want to get home asap. It's ridiculous. That, my friends, is the 4th trimester. The connection you feel from the womb & from breastfeeding means it's just that much harder to leave your baby behind.

Tummy time!

Justin went back to work about 4 weeks ago now, and I've been on my own trying to manage the idea of homeschooling, entertaining Eisley and Violet, enjoying motherhood, trying out a completely new discipline style, and keeping house. My days are same as any other full time mom, full of simple moments and emotion. Nothing too different than yours, if you're a stay at home mom. Full of laughter and crying and whining and making lunches and love and anger and being thankful for bathroom breaks that aren't interrupted.

{Violet found the Sharpie the other night and went to town on our beautiful yellow chenille bedspread, our thrifted vintage orange alarm clock, and a baby photo of Eisley that was framed in our bedroom. Justin was fixing dinner, I was feeding the baby. We thought they were playing nicely in Eisley's room, we check on them frequently. We thought wrong. I still have no idea where she found the Sharpie. Contraband. She got a spanking. {Yes, we spank.} She apologized--after prompting. We forgave--after swallowing bitterness at the ruined things. They are just things, remember? She went to bed well, but not before reminding us to pray. {Sweet!} She called to Eisley to come pray with us. {Sweeter!} And then I smothered her in kisses before turning off her light. Ups and downs all day, I tell you. Such is motherhood.}
Breastfeeding a baby to sleep in the evenings means I watch more TV. {At least it makes sense to me, if I'm going to be stuck on the couch for an hour, I should at least enjoy a show, right? I'm too tired to read...} I admire the families I know who have no TV in their homes, I really do. I wish we were less into our shows, and I wish we relied on The Lion King and Monsters, Inc. a tad bit less to occupy the girls when we need to really get something done. It's a crutch...we've talked about getting rid of it. We don't completely want to though.

ON the other hand... it was nice to be able to turn our car's DVD player on today and let the girls watch Coraline while I pulled over to breastfeed Paxton when he got hungry during our errands this afternoon. TV...I love and hate it.

Enjoying a cuddle after the 1950s party.

The evenings lately have turned into my TV time because I'm sustaining a small person, and he happens to like cluster feeding these days. I enjoy our time together. While breastfeeding can feel like a big chore and obligation, I've learned that once these days are over, I'll miss the time spent with my tiny baby. I spend a couple hours on the couch each night after the girls go to bed. We've been enjoying The White Queen, Devious Maids, Cedar Cove, and Broadchurch. Anyone else like these shows?

Got my hair done this week.

The White Queen is a definite favorite, as I'm a fan of Philippa Gregory books, the Medieval/Renaissance period, romance, period costumes, scenes of old castles, and men in armour. So, how could this show not be a favorite? Justin called and asked DirecTV if we could get a deal on Starz and we got 5 months free, so now I can watch The White Queen, which Starz apparently co-produced with the BBC. Cool.

Devious Maids is my guilty pleasure show, created by Marc Cherry, who also created my guilty pleasure of the past--Desperate Housewives. A sort of snarky satire/drama/comedy with juicy plot lines, Devious Maids is just fun to watch. Justin likes it too. The maid Rosie is my favorite. And I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out who killed Flora.

Cedar Cove is my "peaceful show". It's been praised by critics for being completely opposite of all the Hollywood flash/drama/gore/sex you see these days. It's also a fictional show about the town of Cedar Cove, inspired by a town we loved and visited frequently in college, called Port Orchard, Washington. An easy watch that makes me feel cozy, like catching up with old friends over coffee, I've been sucked into it's easy going plots.

Finally, Broadchurch, our latest discovery of BBC greatness since Downton Abbey. It's a creepy, modern whodunit from England, sort of a heavy show so far, I'm looking forward to watching more. We watch it with the closed captioning on because, sorry Brits, but you tend to mutter...and too quickly! {They probably say the same thing about us.)

I'm so looking forward to September, because not only is it my favorite month of the year, we have NO PLANS! No birthday parties to plan, no obligations with church, no nothing. I'm excited. Because I feel like the last 7 weeks have been go-go-go and get-it-done...but not before pumping a bottle for the baby!
The 4th trimester is coming to a close, I can feel it. Paxton is over 9 lbs now, he's holding his head up, he's looking less like a newborn and he is smiling and cooing and we know we're moving into this next phase...

I'm already thinking about busting out the Exersaucer, for crying out loud! He was just born...or so I thought.

Kids. They grow up on you. Punks. I mean, yay!
So, welcome September! You beauty, you! I plan to spend your days cuddling and nursing and sniffing my baby while watching some indulgent TV shows.

I already feel like I've missed out on too much of Paxton's babyhood. I plan to be more selfish, honestly. I plan to cuddle more and share less. Sometimes when they are newborns I feel like all I do is feed them and then hand them off to someone wanting to hold the baby. Of course everyone wants to hold the baby... but, I earned him. I grew him, from scratch. 

We have that baby-momma bond, no one can ever replicate. I just want to treasure this time, it is fleeting. I'm too experienced of a mother to call myself actually experienced, but I'm experienced enough to know: treasure this, right now.

The 4th trimester, it's between him and I, no one else really lays claim to this time. He's mine for now, for this short period of life {like the 4th trimester} he is mine and I plan to be more selfish and love on him as much as I can before he grows up and leaves.

I'll just come out and say it: I never knew I could love a son so much. He is wonderful.

Happy September to you!

And now...


Silly selfies!