So yesterday Paxton was up at 2 a.m. coughing and Eisley was up at 4 a.m. puking. I was putting my faux-Uggs on to go get provisions at ...

I'm not complaining, but...

Thursday, January 15, 2015 , ,


So yesterday Paxton was up at 2 a.m. coughing and Eisley was up at 4 a.m. puking. I was putting my faux-Uggs on to go get provisions at the grocery store when Justin stopped me and insisted on going. Right, I'll stay home and hold the hair away from the sick, you go out in the middle of the night...

I made him a list:

  •  ginger ale 
  •  Saltines 
  •  Gatorade 
  •  popsicles
I checked the pantry for Jell-O. Of course you're never out of Jell-O. I checked the cabinet that doesn't have a name but holds our over-the-counters, coffee and mugs, and the wineglasses. Is there a name for that sort of cabinet? I'd love to hear your suggestions. I mean, everyone has one of those cabinets right? What do you call yours? The Help? The Self-Medication Station? We could get real creative here.

I pulled out the bottle of activated charcoal, it was still about half full. I've learned from experience to assume that when one member of the household petri dish gets a stomach bug, you should always prepare as if all of you are about to start Linda Blairing all over the house.

Justin headed out the door while I poured about 5 black powder pills into my hand and washed them down one at a time with milk. The last one caught in my throat and I very nearly tossed my own own cookies, because my gag reflex since pregnancies and morning sicknesses has been something extraordinary in itself.

God bless that man, my husband, because he came back with Starbucks.

Eisley puked every 1/2 hour until 1 p.m. that afternoon. Paxton had a raspy cough and refused to take his two naps. Violet? She was her usual, rambunctious self. Which is no help.

Look, my kids don't get sick often. One of the perks of homeschooling and having a mother who is hyper-vigilant about handwashing, I suppose. But when we do...

All I'm saying is I also started to suspect Eisley of having a UTI on top of the stomach bug, and Paxton of having an ear infection on top of the cold. Because we don't get sick often, but when we do, we go all out. Go big or go home, that's how we ride. Apparently.

So fortunately, it was Sander's short day at work. I texted him that Pax had an appointment at 4 so he'd better be home by 3:30 or else. He came home with stories about half of his work also being sick and his boss sending people home and emails out about "don't come in if you're sick!" and you wonder, Do sick kids count even if you're healthy? and then I read that Chipotle is pulling pork from their menu and Cadbury Creme Eggs will never be the same and the pope is threatening to punch people in the face over yo mama jokes and you just have to wonder what the heck sort of world my sick kids are growing up in?

On our way to the pediatrician, Violet began coughing. Though I'm still not sure if she had what Pax had or if she needed attention. When I was her age, I convinced my parents that I had vision problems because I wanted to wear eyeglasses. I was purposely un-focusing my eyes. They bought it, took me to an eye doctor who apparently had no ethics and diagnosed me with a condition I didn't have and thus I wore eyeglasses for about two weeks in Kindergarten. {I have always had perfect vision.} I know, right? And I wasn't even a middle child...

All five of us piled into the small room and were eventually joined by a PA who Justin would later say looked younger than us and that sort of sent me into a mini-early-midlife crisis because I'm not ready to be old enough to be older than people who can write prescriptions.

Speaking of prescriptions, we walked out with two and the option of a third but I turned down, opting instead to await that lab result to confirm the possible UTI. In the meantime we can cranberry juice up and enjoy being girls who are merely given antibiotics when we get a UTI instead of surgery, despite the fact that we get them more often than boys. Whatever...

Three children.
One ear infection. {Or two? Does each ear count?}
One case of croup. {Or two? If Violet is legit sick.}
A stomach bug. {Eisley declared she doesn't like chicken anymore, but I swear the roast chicken Justin made the night before was delicious and none of the rest of us got sick.}
And a possible UTI.

Fantastically, no fevers. Whatsoever.

Paxton didn't sleep well last night, according to Justin who laid down with him on the floor for 1 hour and 45 minutes while I slept right through it just as I would a hurricane or a tornado. Today, he's not napping either even though he really needs it. The PA had warned us...the baby steroids to help his croup would probably make him hyper. It might also give him chest hair.

Actually, this morning everyone is showing few or no signs of any illness, and Justin and I are still healthy. I'm not sure if that's due to the activated charcoal pills I pop and the grape juice I forced on everyone or what. I'm just glad, because I'm also irritated about this...

I spent about 3 hours last night doing some creative writing on my computer after the kids went to bed. {Yes, I do creative writing for fun. No, you cannot read anything I write for fun.} It was the sort of writing that just pours out, easily and swiftly. This morning, due to a computer glitch that I just don't want to go into right now, it was gone. All of it.

I know how to auto-save and even recover documents and I've done it before, but I'm on a new Chromebook using new programs and saving methods and an error screen later I could see all my text behind the error message but I cannot save or recover it. Boo.

I'm not complaining.

I just wish right now that my two seemingly healthy girls would simmer down and  stop fighting and that my son on steroids would take a nap he so desperately needs instead of standing in his crib screaming, "Yah! YAH! Yah! YAH!!" while beating his chest with his new, steroid-induced muscles.

That's all.

Wait...

I didn't even tell you all how I got the flu for Christmas, did I? It was a mixed blessing because while I was dealing with aching and chest congestion, Justin had to cook the entire Christmas dinner. As soon as I fell ill, I started Justin, the girls, and my parents {as they were coming over for Christmas} on black elderberry extract. Aka, "nature's Tamiflu". I didn't give it to Pax, but everyone else took it. It's supposed to stop the virus altogether or shorten the flu symptoms.

Pax and I were the only ones to get sick.
So, you know, everyone go stock your Over-The-Counter Wineglass cabinet with: activated charcoal pills, black elderberry extract, cranberry and grape juice. And baby steroids. 

Cheers,
:::clinks wine glass full of 100% grape juice against Chromebook that can't remember anything:::
Heather 

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4 comments

  1. Only you could put such a humorous spin on sickness and make all the chaos seem not so bad :-) If your creative writing is anything like your blog posts, you should be published!

    Hope everyone is doing better~

    Erica

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so nice to me!

      Thanks, Erica! <3

      Delete
  2. I visit your blog quite a bit, but this is the first time commenting. I was laughing so hard the entire read!. You are very funny!. Anyhow, I hope everyone is feeling better by now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Rosa!! I'm glad you saw the humor in it. ;-) You have to be able to laugh at these things, right?

      Thanks for the comment! We are all feeling much better these days.

      Delete

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