Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Crying Game

{The following pictures are from my phone... blegh!}
Oh Violet...

This baby came home from the hospital and slept through the night {7 hours} just a few days later...

and she's been doing such every since. 

She's 10 weeks old tomorrow and has slept through the night all but, maybe, 2 nights since? 

It's absolutely fantastic. 

Naptime is another story...

{I could stare at this all day, really. Just shut up, chores!}
Is it the daylight or something?
Is it Eisley's noisemaking?

Speaking of Eisley...

...the poor thing gets ignored half the day. At least this is how it feels...

Because Violet often gets overtired by mid-morning and I start focusing on getting her to sleep, which usually means nursing...

...which means I can't do much for Eisley during this time.

So Pie ends up watching far too much TV and playing by herself whilst I take Violet to feed her and hope she falls asleep doing so. 

If she's not hungry, I wrap her tight and rock her to sleep. 

It can take a while... she's easily distracted and excitable...

If Eisley comes in she uses her loud, cheery two-year old voice and wants my attention...

...unfortunately that gets Violet's attention, too. And so I discourage that...

But it's sincerely been making me very sad...

...and frustrated. 

Because it feels unfair that Eisley can go a good two hours 
{yes, it's been known to take that long} 
being ignored. 

I hate it!

Perhaps, I hope, in some way it's good for Eisley???
Good for her to learn the world doesn't revolve around her...
good for her to learn to entertain herself...

...but still, it feels wrong.
Some days it feels like 100% of me just goes to Violet. 
Babies are needy!

It makes me worry Eisley's not getting the attention she needs.

It makes me worry Eisley will resent Violet {though she shows no signs of this}.

It makes me think I could never handle a third child... 

and then I remember, if that ever happens, 
Violet will be old enough to play with Eisley and it'd probably be easier. 

I've heard many other parents say going from one child to two is harder than going from two to three children...

and it's for this exact reason, I think. 

You want everything best for your children. 
So it's so frustrating to feel like you just can't provide that...



No longer will I judge the stay-at-home-moms with the luxury of hiring a nanny.

 I used to think nannies were only acceptable for working parents...

...but I would absolutely pay someone to play with Eisley during these times...

...if I could afford it. 
{Pie with Luther, being ignored.}


Thankfully this doesn't happen every single day, some days V-Pie goes to sleep with more ease...

Today I nursed her and she dozed off. 


{This was after 2 hours of fussy sleep fighting.}

I let her sleep on the Boppy atop my lap for a good 20 minutes to make sure she was truly out of it... 


{Of course I spent the entire time thinking about all the things I wasn't getting done, only to later regret not holding on to that peaceful moment with her a little longer... this, friends, is called motherhood. You never win.}

When I thought she was finally out of it, I oh-so-carefully lifted her from the Boppy into her bassinet next to the bed. 

She stayed asleep, I breathed again...

I wanted for a moment to be sure... 
I turned on her Sleep Sheep

It helps. Sometimes. 


{I really am a fan of this little guy, he helps me sleep, too}

...and crept slowly to the door...

...I turned and watched for a moment...

...so still...

...and then her leg jerked. 

Eyes fluttered open. 

"Mom?! Where's my pacifier?!" 
she seemed to be asking with her panicked look. 

ARRRGGGHHHH!!!! 

My stomach tightens, pulse quickens, blood pressure rises... 

{This is why I pray for God to teach me more patience, I am too easily frustrated. Good thing those years of doing kid's haircuts taught me to at least stay outwardly pleasant and keep a smile on my face even while I'm so fed up in my head... I would hate to let my girls see how frustrated I can let myself become. My worst flaw.}

Darn those flailing, twitching newborn limbs, waking my baby up!

"Swaddle her better next time," I scolded myself. 

10 minutes later, after holding the pacifier in her mouth until she was asleep again {but avoiding eye contact as it makes her want to chat}, I finally sneaked out of the room 
{praying - literally - to God that she would stay asleep this time}...

I found Eisley watching Yo Gabba. 
That meant it was 2:30 p.m. - her naptime. 

So I told her to head to her bed, we'd read a few books...

...four books, and a little home cookin' from Eisley's kitchen {she makes the best plastic pie on this side of the Platte}. 

It was good time together, naptime could wait a little longer...

As for Violet, I know what some might say, 
"Let her cry." 

But that's harder... 
and not quite something you do with babies this young, in my opinion...

... there is a physiological response in a mother when her newborn cries...

...especially that horribly tragic little Stevie-Nicks-quiver that makes Violet's cry even more pitiful... 

there is no way I'm not responding to that!

I spent the first few moments of naptime silence today reflecting and comforting myself with the fact that it really does get easier - balancing all their needs.
Eisley had her fussy days as an infant, too. 
She had days of trouble napping, too, and it helped to remind myself of that. Now she can be left alone in a room to entertain herself for a while, and there is no coaxing her to sleep. 


They grow more independent of me each day. Bittersweet.

Soon Violet will not require such intense attention, 
and she will be a playmate to Eisley.

Yes. It will get easier to manage...

Easy as pie. 



2 comments:

  1. I remember feeling exactly the same way--like I was neglecting your sister. You just can't spread yourself thin enough to do everything you want to do for everybody you want to do it for :-(
    But, as you said, it's actually good for kids to realize they're not the center of the universe, and to learn to entertain themselves, too.
    It's just a matter of finding the right balance, I guess. Everything in moderation, and hitting a lick at a snake, right?

    Anyway, *I* think you're a *fantastic* mom ;-)

    ~Mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heather - Those are normal feelings. For some strange reason, going from one to two is so much more difficult than one would think. My sister just had her second in February and she was just echoing to me your exact thoughts about how she feels she is neglecting her firstborn because she has to devote so much time to her new baby. It's a season and it will pass, and Eisley will be absolutely fine! Stay encouraged!

    ReplyDelete

What do you have to say for yourself?

Blogging tips